Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Best Travel Tips

In just two weeks time, Mama Jude and I will depart on our very special trip (plus Abby and More Diane round out our traveling party) to Venice, Italy; and friends and loved ones have been sending great advice. I thought I'd share some of the best travel tips. Please add yours in the comments, dear readers!

1. "Pack everything you want to take. Then remove half of your stuff and leave it at home. Next, take twice the amount of money you'd planned." ― Half the stuff, twice the money. OK.

2. "A day in Italy without gelato is a day wasted." ― Eat gelato every day? Happily! I'm a lifelong mint chip addict, but I also love anything with coffee, chocolate and almonds. Of course, I LOVE to try new flavors and can't wait to taste test all over! Don't worry, I'll report back and post pictures.  :)

3. "Try grilled lamb with fresh lemon. Seriously, I don't normally even eat lamb, but it was so amazing it was worth it. Try it and think of me." ― You got it, my friend! I'm not normally a huge lamb fan, but I will give it a shot and toast to you.

4. "Don't take more than you can carry on your own." ― Having violated this rule myself in the past, I am quite sensitive to it now.

5. "Make sure you take a gondola ride ― find an honest gondolier so you don't get ripped off, but make sure you take a gondola ride." ― We are thrilled to experience this one! Mama Jude has never experienced it before, and neither have I; though I took her for a gondola ride in Lake Merrit in Oakland for her birthday last year (with a picnic and our favorite Italian wine, of course).

6. "Be careful of pickpockets." ― This one is true no matter where you travel. Having lived in Israel for a year, I make every effort to remain an alert and responsible traveler. For more safe travel tips, check out the State Department's article on tips for traveling abroad; and, of course, make sure you travel with extra copies of your itinerary, identification and credit cards kept in a different location than the originals.

7. "Be spontaneous and enjoy getting lost in Venice. It's impossible not to get lost so it's best if you just go with the adventure." ― I couldn't agree more on the traveling principle! I love to explore and travel with spontaneity. Thankfully I have a good sense of direction and an adaptable and friendly nature.

8. "Take advantage of the airport lounge. It's worth it. Take a shower, get refreshed, start your trip right." ― Great advice, seems like it would help reduce jet lag too! Luckily were were blessed to have the help of world-class flight expert SuperFlyer at FlightFox assisting with our flights (a mensch and a genius!) so we'll have access to lounges in each of our layovers.

9. "Pack an extra set of clothes and basic cosmetics in your carry-on in case the airline loses your luggage. This way, you won't be stuck; and if the airline gives you a lost-luggage voucher, you can put it toward better use than replacement underwear and deodorant." ― I live by this travel rule. In fact, as I've gotten older, I would much rather travel with only a carry-on. This trip my carry-on will be half filled with medical equipment, plus we're going for a month; so I'm checking a bag and bringing a carry-on.

10. "Be aware of differences in voltage, language, culture, dress, etc." ― We always strive to be culturally sensitive travelers; and we try to not let our clothes, attitudes or appearances scream American (we're very Californian that way). Blending in and experiencing local culture, cuisine and people is what travel is all about for us (we aim to be positive ambassadors from our country). Mama Jude has been studying her Italian again and we practice the phrases together. Our wonderful Venetian apartment has a hair dryer and we've got an adapter so we're all set there! Travel is all about adapting.

Our dear friend Julie, who write an always fascinating blog herself, recently sent us a wonderful Real Simple article on packing smart. The article referenced Real Simple's great Vacation Essentials Packing Checklist on their site to boot! There are loads of travel tips online, but the best are from personal experience. For more travel tips to consider, read Rick Steve's variety of European travel tip articles.

Readers, please add your best travel tips ― Venice specific or otherwise ― in the comments section below!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Traveling Party

Meet More Diane

In just a few weeks time, I will be traveling to Venice, Italy with My Amazing Mama, who's fighting a rare terminal brain cancer, along with our sweet, healing service dog Abby. Given that Mama's condition requires full-time caregiving, traveling abroad alone was a daunting goal. We were determined to go NO MATTER WHAT, but we knew it would be more manageable (particularly in case of emergency) to have another loved one along.
Mother's Day: Mama Jude, Abby, Me and More Diane (L-R)

We're blessed to have Mama Jude's childhood friend Diane, whom we call More Diane, join our special trip.

When I was 3, about when I first got the nickname Nosy Parker, Diane was my teacher at my beloved Bay Area Jewish preschool where my classmates called her Morah Diane (Morah is teacher in Hebrew). Since I joined the class later in the year, I heard "more" and so the name More Diane stuck (it's also cute since she's such a tiny woman). More Diane has been there for every graduation from 5th grade through college ― she's family ― and so it is extra special to share this experience with her.

Diane and Jude as young girls
Mama Jude and More Diane have been friends since they were 3 years old and are like sisters. Their lifelong friendship is apparent is their private giggles, and we were honored to celebrate Pesach and Mother's Day (photo above) with their immediate family this year ― a foodie's dream as Diane's daughter Lisa is a master chef, cake decorator and papercuts artist extraordinaire.

Diane and Jude's families were friends ― the mothers were active B'nai Brith women ― and the two women's lifelong friendship was even featured in a San Jose Mercury News spread some years ago. Diane and Jude have not yet had the opportunity to travel together, but they have loved dressing up in costumes together over the years. Now the two are packing for the trip of a lifetime.

More Diane presenting the quilt she made for Mama Jude
Wonderfully, preparing for this special trip has breathed new life into Mama Jude; she earnestly practices her Italian and gathers travel items. We are so thrilled that it is all coming together (though I confess I'm still nervous). It's just now starting to feel real. We've got wonderful airline tickets thanks to the kindness of top flight expert SuperFlyer at FlightFox ― a real mensch; we've secured the Perfect Venetian Home for Mama's needs, and we're completely blown away by the encouragement and tremendous support we've received from loved ones and strangers. I'm almost done packing, but breaking from packing to party!

Today we are hosting our big "Screw Brain Cancer, We're Going to Venice, Italy" Buon Viaggio BBQ Celebration and More Diane will be a guest of honor! We look forward to celebrating this special trip with our friends and will continue to blog about our adventures!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Finding the Perfect Venetian Home

A small canal in Venice (credit: Mama Jude)
Due to our circumstances (I'm a FT caregiver for my amazing Mama fighting terminal brain cancer), finding the perfect Venetian home had to be Step 1 in our traveling process for Mama's Last Wish Trip to Venice, Italy. We knew it would be most cost-effective and comfortable to rent an apartment for the month and we knew we wanted to be on the mainland of Venice (not Giudecca, Murano or Burano) and so began the hunt.

We searched many different travel sites: HomeAway, HomeExchange, Airbnb, VRBO, FlipKey and Venice for Visitors recommendations, among others.

Apartment hunting in July for the month of September apparently is very last minute of us. Mama's rare, terminal brain cancer meant that we really couldn't plan this trip a year in advance, which it seems was required for some of the most outstanding apartments for rent in Venice. We had only a couple months, at best, to set this all up and make it happen.

Narrowing Down Our Requirements
The main requirement of the apartment was that it have canal views from inside so that Mama Jude could enjoy Venice from the comfort of our home on the days she was not able to go out. Finding a home with canal views is trickier than you'd think since many of the advertised "canal views" were really only if you stick your head out the window and look down (something you'd only discover upon very careful examination of the photos and occasional reviews). This is because the canals are very narrow and from inside the home you really only see other Venetian homes (which are also beautiful, but not the canals by which Mama yearns to sit and observe water traffic). Because of this, Mama Jude really wanted to be on the Grand Canal, which is very wide and provides plenty of canal views with the passing gondoliers and assorted boat traffic.

Since we hoped to bring a close friend to help me care for Mama, we decided that we needed 2 or more bedrooms (I'd share, of course) and that 2 bathrooms would be ideal ('cause 3 women, 1 bathroom just didn't seem like a good idea... seriously), plus a bathtub is needed since standing up in a shower can be difficult and dangerous when your brain is screwing with your balance.

Another huge challenge in finding the right Venetian home is the stairs factor. Many apartments were only accessible through a huge number of stairs and no elevator. This would be very difficult for Mama and truly prohibit her from being able to go out and enjoy Venice whenever she felt up to it. Insider tip: Venetian homes start on the ground floor and when you go up a level, it is to the 1st floor ― which we native Californians would actually consider the 2nd floor. Therefore, we were looking for a ground floor apartment (or one with an elevator, which seemed even less common or likely).
Abby (named for NCIS' Abby Sciuto)

At this point, we knew were already asking for a lot, but also hoped to have sunny and bright rooms, a full kitchen so we could do some cooking, a terrace to enjoy a glass of Moscato D'Asti (our favorite wine!), WiFi Internet access, washing machine to do our own laundry (at least nearby), heating and A/C (summer will turn to fall while we're there) and comfortable furniture (many homes were filled with antiques and felt like museums). Plus, they needed to be ok with our sweet, healing service dog, Abby.

Though these seemed impossible requirements, particularly within our limited budget, I kept on searching, determined to find the closest fit that I could make work.

Views on Venice to the Rescue
After a truly exhaustive search, it felt like the clouds parted when I discovered the highly recommended Views On Venice with more than 70 beautiful apartments of varying sizes and each with breathtaking views.

We are thrilled to have secured a beautiful ground-floor Venetian home with spectacular views of the Grand Canal. The apartment meets our various medical and comfort related needs. We knew it was the one for us when we read one of the many wonderful reviews where the little girl loved to sit and call ciao to the passing gondoliers ― I got goosebumps, Mama got tears. We knew it was the one.
Mama's Favorite Symbol of Venice: Ferro on the Gondola

Views on Venice (VoV) advertises special offers for 3-5 nights and stays longer than 2 weeks, but when they learned of our special trip, they kindly extended a very special deal making our dream apartment just within reach (well, we splurged a bit, but if not at this time in life, when?). VoV also consistently replied promptly and were considerate of Mama's needs. We highly recommend them and we aren't even there yet. We greatly appreciate their support in helping make this special trip a reality.

 
What's Next?
First, don't worry... we promise to post lots of pictures when we get there. And next up in blog land? A post dedicated to the traveling party... you know Abby is coming with us, but who's the mystery close friend joining us on our this special trip??? Nosy Parker Goes to Venice, Italy with the answer in a special feature blog post  :)

(I'm trying to blog more. But I admit, this feels so weird. I have no idea if anyone is really reading. Except for a few close friends... seriously, hi Lys. To anyone out there, thank you for reading and for your encouragement, albeit silent. Feel free to join in whenever, you are welcome. Ok, I'm going to stop now.)

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Premature Isolation of a Young Caregiver

Mama Jude and Me (20-something years ago)
I turned 30 this past April, something I find myself embarrassingly admitting lately. It's what I find most isolating about being a young caregiver ― the young part. It seems most everyone else I meet caring for a parent is about 20 years my senior (of course, this means they carry 20 years more baggage, but it also means they're a lot more likely to have a spouse and children to/for support). It's all happening too early. She had only just retired and we were just getting to really enjoy each other's company as adults.

I'm an only child, but I was raised by a single mom, which I think cancels out the stereotypical, spoiled only-child effect. Unfortunately, it also means there's no one else "supposed" to help me, no immediate family for the day-to-day caregiving work. The struggles I witnessed as the only child of a single parent are now repeating themselves in a sad reversal (overall, terminal illness seems to turn up the knob on family dysfunction and if you think your family isn't dysfunctional, you're probably lying to yourself. Welcome to denial. We're all dysfunctional on some level). Cancer seems to bring out both the best and the worst in people.
Enjoying Shakespeare Santa Cruz

Friends my age who are caring for another person are typically new parents. The realities of caring for a parent are very different from caring for children (though I don't yet have my own children, throughout college I worked as a Los Angeles-area nanny.. aka full-on parenting). Perhaps it's the size factor (you know, small child vs grown caring for the same size parent). Or that the parent was once ― at least, in theory, and in the case of solid parenting (like Mama's) ― in charge. This makes the role reversal a constant struggle.

The Brain Difference
The stress of that flipped relationship is further intensified when you add brain cancer to the mix. Having cancer in the part of your body that controls your entire body, being, perception and thoughts can mean personality changes, confusion, worsening short-term-memory loss, disorientation, mood swings and cognitive slowing. Part of what makes this heartbreaking is that Mama is completely aware of her diminishing capacity. Mama has always been an incredibly sharp, AMAZING woman and it is so hard for her to realize that she can't do all that she once did.
Mama Jude and Me

The reality of Mama's rare brain cancer is that she's dying. Yes, we're all dying. But it's more than a concept in our house. It's a reality we fight constantly, daily. Facing one's mortality is scary, but to have that permeate each day, to be reminded of one's own limitations and previous sharpness is a cruel decline. Though my Mama will turn 70 on her big Last Wish Trip to Venice, Italy, she always had a lively spirit and seemed years younger. We simply haven't had enough time yet together. I still need my Mama for some big life events. And, this may sound silly, but she's always been the one person who truly cares how my day went.

An old friend and colleague recently asked me how I learned to be my Mama's Caregiver. I honestly didn't know what to say. In my mind, there was no question. I simply needed to step up to the challenge and maximize my Mama's quality of life as best I could.

Daughter As Caregiver
Mama's recent home manicure
Caring for a parent doesn't just mean I hang out with my Mama all day. Being a caregiver for a parent involves unlimited roles (and the ultimate adaptability and patience): Patient advocate, an absolute necessity at Kaiser; disease management (record & report symptoms, research & recall disease info) and medication organizer and administrator (plus homeopathic remedies for cancer symptoms expert); personal chef and cancer-fighting diet expert (now specializing in plant-based meals); insurance battler, financial administrator and overall power-of-attorney and issue tackler; personal trainer and physical therapist; personal assistant (calendar, appointment scheduler, errand runner, etc.); home cleaner and DIY fixer, plumber, personal driver (Mama isn't allowed to drive anymore) and so much more. As her daughter, I find my "girly" skills are an added bonus, as I give her "cancer haircuts," face masks, gel manicures and pedicures (see photo), eyebrow shaping, makeup advice, style and plenty more.

I'm the person who finds things, remembers things, and minimizes any possible foreseeable issues. It's a constant juggle... loving daughter, stern caregiver, and supportive friend (her buddy, she likes to say).
Mama Earns M.A. in Instructional Design

"If you were a normal girl, you'd hate me," Mama Jude earnestly told me the other day and looked away, holding back tears. It broke my heart.

With all of this happening in our own little world, I sometimes I feel as isolated as if I were down in Mexico, not just 1.5 hours south of San Francisco. Cancer isn't contagious, but I worry the accompanying sadness might rub off. There's a surprising layer of sadness as some of the friends who previously made up your world distance themselves. Though recently opening up about the realities of our world has brought immeasurable support from friends old, new, distant and close. Like a whirlwind spinning on without us, the rest of the world seems to move faster anyhow. Our little world has been primarily paralyzed... waiting, though we know not for what. As Facebook-voyeurs, we cyber-stalk the engagements, weddings, births, promotions, travels and assorted exciting, wonderful life events of our family, friends and acquaintances. A former news junkie (a journalism school requirement), I'm ashamed to admit I now get most of my news through Facebook and Jon Stewart's Daily Show!

Self Care
Everyone asks, what am I doing to care for myself? As if there's something that could really make me feel better. Seriously? Look at my reality. It's been an unsteady, upwardish path from far from OK. I'm coping. I'm surviving. And yeah, I'm taking care of myself. Seriously, I am. I regularly(ish) exercise, eat a moderate and (mostly) good diet, take happy pills for anxiety, go to a loved ones cancer support group and make attempts at quality sleep. I stretch and take relaxing bubble baths and cuddle my beloved, healing dog. Though to be honest, I've fallen down in my own "30 Days to 30" goals of establishing new and better habits. Personal and financial issues were put on hold, but my lifelong struggle with weight has become less difficult as I've somehow lost my hunger but discovered Jillian Michaels' Shred It With Weight workout video (of course, now I've got a wonderful and new problem of my clothes swimming on me). As I take each day at a time, I consider that perhaps productivity is overrated.
Mama Jude and Me at Gaudi's Park Guell in Barcelona

Yet my focus now is making Mama's Last Wish a wonderful reality. This September, we'll be traveling to Mama Jude's beloved Venice, Italy, where we've rented a beautiful Gran Canal apartment for 4 weeks! We are completely blown away by the generous donations of friends and strangers; and we are so incredibly grateful for the support and encouragement during this most difficult time. We look forward to celebrating our big travel plans with friends and supporters at our "Screw Brain Cancer, We're Going to Venice, Italy" Buon Viaggio BBQ Celebration next weekend.