Nosy Parker Blog Moves to New Home on Wordpress!

Nosy Parker has officially moved... please continue following, reading and commenting on Wordpress! Not to fret, previous posts and comments have all been transferred to the new site, and the first new post is live: http://nosyparkerblog.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/a-very-different-kind-of-trip/

I apologize for any inconvenience in the move and hope not to lose any of you dear readers on my move to Wordpress!

The move was prompted by technical issues as well as a desire for enhanced editing and design options. Blogspot just isn't working as a mobile blog... Google won't allow me to log in properly abroad without verification to my American cell phone (which is switched off this month).

So, the new Nosy Parker blog can be found at:
www.nosyparkerblog.wordpress.com

Thanks!

Adventures in Becoming a Temporary Venetian

We arrived safely in Venice, Italy just past midday Wednesday and have been settling in as temporary residents, rather than tourists. Though we've been here more days than it seems many tourists spend in Venice, I'm sure we've seen fewer sights. The travel and the humid heat has been taking a toll on Mama Jude; so we feel greatly blessed to have such a lovely, comfortable (with A/C!) apartment with spectacular Gran Canal views. We love to watch the constant and varying boat traffic and exchange greetings with the gondoliers who row slowly past our windows and turn onto the tiny canal (called R. d. S. Giovanni Grisostomo) at our corner. Twice now, gondoliers have called 'ciao bella' to me and blown kisses; it's silly, but sweet.

Grateful for my sense of direction, I've wandered around our neighborhood and discovered a nearby pharmacy (where they've been wonderfully helpful and speak English fairly well on my multiple trips), the closest water bus stops, the fresh fruit and vegetable market, the local Billa grocery store, a nice bakery, the nearest Vodafone (to obtain Italian mobile phones), LUSH (hooray!) and the ATM. On our first night in Venice, we ate dinner at a cute little restaurant around a couple corners and down a tiny alley from us; it started to pour rain, forcing the waiters to run our plates outside to the tented tables using huge umbrellas. They were all very sweet and fell in love with Abby (how could you not, really?). We toasted our first night with Moscato di Asti, our favorite wine. Now whenever we pass the restaurant, which is frequently as that is the only way out from the Campiello d. Remer courtyard outside our apartment to the rest of the city by land, the wait staff greet us like old friends.

While waiting in the long line at Vodafone, I struck up a friendship with a lovely British girl named Hannah (sorry Mama for calling her a girl; I know we are women and your generation fought hard for us to be called such). Anyway, Hannah is in Venice on an international study program for anthropology and she could literally be my British twin (personality wise); it's almost scary how much we have in common and how alike we see the world and respond to it. More Diane and Mama Jude are astounded at how much we sound alike, despite the accent. Poor Hannah found herself homeless as her flatmate pulled out of their arrangement at the last moment, and so, of course, we have taken her in while she hunts for an apartment (or shared housing) and she has become part of our little Venetian family. "She adds to the fun," explains Mama Jude of dearest Hannah. Abby loves her too!

At sunset tonight, we embarked on our very first Venetian gondola ride and we were feeling very excited! (For Mama's birthday last year, I took her for a gondola ride in Oakland's Lake Merritt, near my old apartment, but it just isn't the same). So far we have already had the pleasure of Mama Jude's favorite Italian gelato, called Grom, and her other favorite Suso. I enjoyed a couple samples before I felt compelled to choose (and told to do at Suso!), but I intend to return many times. Grom's peach gelato was almost better than a peach! Of course, the peaches we got from the fresh fruit and vegetable market were seriously the BEST peaches we've ever enjoyed! Personally I was thrilled that Grom's current monthly flavor is none other than mint chip -- my absolute favorite -- and it was AMAZING!

For Shabbat, we had a lovely caprese salad spread and lit candles we brought from a previous trip to Tzfat, Israel. We have also enjoyed Margherita and vege pizza and Venetian-style artichoke hearts. Yes, we tend to travel by stomach; we're foodies, we can't help it.

Our front door opens onto a hidden (read: mostly quiet and hard-to-find for throngs of tourists) courtyard, which houses a dock onto the Gran Canal along with a sweet little taverna (Italian pub) popular with locals, a beautiful well and a few other residence doors. One evening this week, we enjoyed a traditional Italian spritz at this little taverna, where we expect we'll likely become regulars. To date, we've seen 2 small weddings and a bachelorette party in our courtyard. We also saw a Venetian funeral on another nearby canal; the coffin, loaded with flowers, was loaded onto a boat with both crying mourners and fascinated tourists watching.

Yesterday Mama Jude was feeling especially ill so she and More Diane stayed home to rest. Because of this, we are so glad that we splurged our budget on the apartment to get the Gran Canal views! By evening, Mama Jude was feeling a bit improved and we went out for a spritz with her friend (and former landlady) Elisa. Having heard many stories of the fun Mama had with Elisa, it was a pleasure to finally meet her.

Since we'll be here for an extended time, as will Hannah, there are certain errands to run, which are more fun to do with a friend (i.e. grocery shopping, transit cards, etc.). So yesterday, while the Mamas rested, Hannah and I walked down the Strada Nuova to Piazza del Roma to get IMOB water bus transit cards. These allow us unlimited rides on the vaporetti (motorized bus-boats that stop at public docks throughout Venice) in September and then we'll be able to buy a few discounted rides for the first few days of October.

Luckily Mama has had the opportunity and ability to go out - even close by and for a short bit - each day. This is important as she has been finding it very difficult to be less mobile and agile in her favorite city. Tonight as we were riding the vaporetto to S. Marco where we would meet the gondolier, I was simply overcome with emotion at the breathtaking sight of Venice at sunset. It was magical and spiritual and inspirational - and in such a way that photos simply cannot capture, it seems. Venice might well be the most beautiful city in the world to me. I finally felt like I got it, like I got why Mama Jude simply had to return to Venice once more, why we had to take this special trip. And I felt so happy to be able to share that moment and those few happy tears with Mama and sweet Abby. These are the beautiful memories we are here to create. And I'm so glad to share it with all of you, my dear Nosy Parker readers!

PS: Please make sure to also follow Mama Jude's blog, www.Giudditalia.Wordpress.com for her stories from the trip. And, as always, we LOVE your comments and suggestions and encouragement. It truly fortifies us and makes us want to share more!

The Best Travel Tips

In just two weeks time, Mama Jude and I will depart on our very special trip (plus Abby and More Diane round out our traveling party) to Venice, Italy; and friends and loved ones have been sending great advice. I thought I'd share some of the best travel tips. Please add yours in the comments, dear readers!

1. "Pack everything you want to take. Then remove half of your stuff and leave it at home. Next, take twice the amount of money you'd planned." ― Half the stuff, twice the money. OK.

2. "A day in Italy without gelato is a day wasted." ― Eat gelato every day? Happily! I'm a lifelong mint chip addict, but I also love anything with coffee, chocolate and almonds. Of course, I LOVE to try new flavors and can't wait to taste test all over! Don't worry, I'll report back and post pictures.  :)

3. "Try grilled lamb with fresh lemon. Seriously, I don't normally even eat lamb, but it was so amazing it was worth it. Try it and think of me." ― You got it, my friend! I'm not normally a huge lamb fan, but I will give it a shot and toast to you.

4. "Don't take more than you can carry on your own." ― Having violated this rule myself in the past, I am quite sensitive to it now.

5. "Make sure you take a gondola ride ― find an honest gondolier so you don't get ripped off, but make sure you take a gondola ride." ― We are thrilled to experience this one! Mama Jude has never experienced it before, and neither have I; though I took her for a gondola ride in Lake Merrit in Oakland for her birthday last year (with a picnic and our favorite Italian wine, of course).

6. "Be careful of pickpockets." ― This one is true no matter where you travel. Having lived in Israel for a year, I make every effort to remain an alert and responsible traveler. For more safe travel tips, check out the State Department's article on tips for traveling abroad; and, of course, make sure you travel with extra copies of your itinerary, identification and credit cards kept in a different location than the originals.

7. "Be spontaneous and enjoy getting lost in Venice. It's impossible not to get lost so it's best if you just go with the adventure." ― I couldn't agree more on the traveling principle! I love to explore and travel with spontaneity. Thankfully I have a good sense of direction and an adaptable and friendly nature.

8. "Take advantage of the airport lounge. It's worth it. Take a shower, get refreshed, start your trip right." ― Great advice, seems like it would help reduce jet lag too! Luckily were were blessed to have the help of world-class flight expert SuperFlyer at FlightFox assisting with our flights (a mensch and a genius!) so we'll have access to lounges in each of our layovers.

9. "Pack an extra set of clothes and basic cosmetics in your carry-on in case the airline loses your luggage. This way, you won't be stuck; and if the airline gives you a lost-luggage voucher, you can put it toward better use than replacement underwear and deodorant." ― I live by this travel rule. In fact, as I've gotten older, I would much rather travel with only a carry-on. This trip my carry-on will be half filled with medical equipment, plus we're going for a month; so I'm checking a bag and bringing a carry-on.

10. "Be aware of differences in voltage, language, culture, dress, etc." ― We always strive to be culturally sensitive travelers; and we try to not let our clothes, attitudes or appearances scream American (we're very Californian that way). Blending in and experiencing local culture, cuisine and people is what travel is all about for us (we aim to be positive ambassadors from our country). Mama Jude has been studying her Italian again and we practice the phrases together. Our wonderful Venetian apartment has a hair dryer and we've got an adapter so we're all set there! Travel is all about adapting.

Our dear friend Julie, who write an always fascinating blog herself, recently sent us a wonderful Real Simple article on packing smart. The article referenced Real Simple's great Vacation Essentials Packing Checklist on their site to boot! There are loads of travel tips online, but the best are from personal experience. For more travel tips to consider, read Rick Steve's variety of European travel tip articles.

Readers, please add your best travel tips ― Venice specific or otherwise ― in the comments section below!

The Traveling Party

Meet More Diane

In just a few weeks time, I will be traveling to Venice, Italy with My Amazing Mama, who's fighting a rare terminal brain cancer, along with our sweet, healing service dog Abby. Given that Mama's condition requires full-time caregiving, traveling abroad alone was a daunting goal. We were determined to go NO MATTER WHAT, but we knew it would be more manageable (particularly in case of emergency) to have another loved one along.

Mother's Day: Mama Jude, Abby, Me and More Diane (L-R)

We're blessed to have Mama Jude's childhood friend Diane, whom we call More Diane, join our special trip.

When I was 3, about when I first got the nickname Nosy Parker, Diane was my teacher at my beloved Bay Area Jewish preschool where my classmates called her Morah Diane (Morah is teacher in Hebrew). Since I joined the class later in the year, I heard "more" and so the name More Diane stuck (it's also cute since she's such a tiny woman). More Diane has been there for every graduation from 5th grade through college ― she's family ― and so it is extra special to share this experience with her.

Diane and Jude as young girls

Mama Jude and More Diane have been friends since they were 3 years old and are like sisters. Their lifelong friendship is apparent is their private giggles, and we were honored to celebrate Pesach and Mother's Day (photo above) with their immediate family this year ― a foodie's dream as Diane's daughter Lisa is a master chef, cake decorator and papercuts artist extraordinaire.

Diane and Jude's families were friends ― the mothers were active B'nai Brith women ― and the two women's lifelong friendship was even featured in a San Jose Mercury News spread some years ago. Diane and Jude have not yet had the opportunity to travel together, but they have loved dressing up in costumes together over the years. Now the two are packing for the trip of a lifetime.

More Diane presenting the quilt she made for Mama Jude

Wonderfully, preparing for this special trip has breathed new life into Mama Jude; she earnestly practices her Italian and gathers travel items. We are so thrilled that it is all coming together (though I confess I'm still nervous). It's just now starting to feel real. We've got wonderful airline tickets thanks to the kindness of top flight expert SuperFlyer at FlightFox ― a real mensch; we've secured the Perfect Venetian Home for Mama's needs, and we're completely blown away by the encouragement and tremendous support we've received from loved ones and strangers. I'm almost done packing, but breaking from packing to party!

Today we are hosting our big "Screw Brain Cancer, We're Going to Venice, Italy" Buon Viaggio BBQ Celebration and More Diane will be a guest of honor! We look forward to celebrating this special trip with our friends and will continue to blog about our adventures!

Finding the Perfect Venetian Home

A small canal in Venice (credit: Mama Jude)

Due to our circumstances (I'm a FT caregiver for my amazing Mama fighting terminal brain cancer), finding the perfect Venetian home had to be Step 1 in our traveling process for Mama's Last Wish Trip to Venice, Italy. We knew it would be most cost-effective and comfortable to rent an apartment for the month and we knew we wanted to be on the mainland of Venice (not Giudecca, Murano or Burano) and so began the hunt.

We searched many different travel sites: HomeAway, HomeExchange, Airbnb, VRBO, FlipKey and Venice for Visitors recommendations, among others.

Apartment hunting in July for the month of September apparently is very last minute of us. Mama's rare, terminal brain cancer meant that we really couldn't plan this trip a year in advance, which it seems was required for some of the most outstanding apartments for rent in Venice. We had only a couple months, at best, to set this all up and make it happen.

Narrowing Down Our Requirements
The main requirement of the apartment was that it have canal views from inside so that Mama Jude could enjoy Venice from the comfort of our home on the days she was not able to go out. Finding a home with canal views is trickier than you'd think since many of the advertised "canal views" were really only if you stick your head out the window and look down (something you'd only discover upon very careful examination of the photos and occasional reviews). This is because the canals are very narrow and from inside the home you really only see other Venetian homes (which are also beautiful, but not the canals by which Mama yearns to sit and observe water traffic). Because of this, Mama Jude really wanted to be on the Grand Canal, which is very wide and provides plenty of canal views with the passing gondoliers and assorted boat traffic.

Since we hoped to bring a close friend to help me care for Mama, we decided that we needed 2 or more bedrooms (I'd share, of course) and that 2 bathrooms would be ideal ('cause 3 women, 1 bathroom just didn't seem like a good idea... seriously), plus a bathtub is needed since standing up in a shower can be difficult and dangerous when your brain is screwing with your balance.

Another huge challenge in finding the right Venetian home is the stairs factor. Many apartments were only accessible through a huge number of stairs and no elevator. This would be very difficult for Mama and truly prohibit her from being able to go out and enjoy Venice whenever she felt up to it. Insider tip: Venetian homes start on the ground floor and when you go up a level, it is to the 1st floor ― which we native Californians would actually consider the 2nd floor. Therefore, we were looking for a ground floor apartment (or one with an elevator, which seemed even less common or likely).

Abby (named for NCIS' Abby Sciuto)

At this point, we knew were already asking for a lot, but also hoped to have sunny and bright rooms, a full kitchen so we could do some cooking, a terrace to enjoy a glass of Moscato D'Asti (our favorite wine!), WiFi Internet access, washing machine to do our own laundry (at least nearby), heating and A/C (summer will turn to fall while we're there) and comfortable furniture (many homes were filled with antiques and felt like museums). Plus, they needed to be ok with our sweet, healing service dog, Abby.

Though these seemed impossible requirements, particularly within our limited budget, I kept on searching, determined to find the closest fit that I could make work.

Views on Venice to the Rescue
After a truly exhaustive search, it felt like the clouds parted when I discovered the highly recommended Views On Venice with more than 70 beautiful apartments of varying sizes and each with breathtaking views.

We are thrilled to have secured a beautiful ground-floor Venetian home with spectacular views of the Grand Canal. The apartment meets our various medical and comfort related needs. We knew it was the one for us when we read one of the many wonderful reviews where the little girl loved to sit and call ciao to the passing gondoliers ― I got goosebumps, Mama got tears. We knew it was the one.

Mama's Favorite Symbol of Venice: Ferro on the Gondola

Views on Venice (VoV) advertises special offers for 3-5 nights and stays longer than 2 weeks, but when they learned of our special trip, they kindly extended a very special deal making our dream apartment just within reach (well, we splurged a bit, but if not at this time in life, when?). VoV also consistently replied promptly and were considerate of Mama's needs. We highly recommend them and we aren't even there yet. We greatly appreciate their support in helping make this special trip a reality.

 
What's Next?
First, don't worry... we promise to post lots of pictures when we get there. And next up in blog land? A post dedicated to the traveling party... you know Abby is coming with us, but who's the mystery close friend joining us on our this special trip??? Nosy Parker Goes to Venice, Italy with the answer in a special feature blog post  :)

(I'm trying to blog more. But I admit, this feels so weird. I have no idea if anyone is really reading. Except for a few close friends... seriously, hi Lys. To anyone out there, thank you for reading and for your encouragement, albeit silent. Feel free to join in whenever, you are welcome. Ok, I'm going to stop now.)

Premature Isolation of a Young Caregiver

Mama Jude and Me (20-something years ago)

I turned 30 this past April, something I find myself embarrassingly admitting lately. It's what I find most isolating about being a young caregiver ― the young part. It seems most everyone else I meet caring for a parent is about 20 years my senior (of course, this means they carry 20 years more baggage, but it also means they're a lot more likely to have a spouse and children to/for support). It's all happening too early. She had only just retired and we were just getting to really enjoy each other's company as adults.

I'm an only child, but I was raised by a single mom, which I think cancels out the stereotypical, spoiled only-child effect. Unfortunately, it also means there's no one else "supposed" to help me, no immediate family for the day-to-day caregiving work. The struggles I witnessed as the only child of a single parent are now repeating themselves in a sad reversal (overall, terminal illness seems to turn up the knob on family dysfunction ― and if you think your family isn't dysfunctional, you're probably lying to yourself. Welcome to denial. We're all dysfunctional on some level). Cancer seems to bring out both the best and the worst in people.

Enjoying Shakespeare Santa Cruz

Friends my age who are caring for another person are typically new parents. The realities of caring for a parent are very different from caring for children (though I don't yet have my own children, throughout college I worked as a Los Angeles-area nanny.. aka full-on parenting). Perhaps it's the size factor (you know, small child vs grown caring for the same size parent). Or that the parent was once ― at least, in theory, and in the case of solid parenting (like Mama's) ― in charge. This makes the role reversal a constant struggle.

The Brain Difference
The stress of that flipped relationship is further intensified when you add brain cancer to the mix. Having cancer in the part of your body that controls your entire body, being, perception and thoughts can mean personality changes, confusion, worsening short-term-memory loss, disorientation, mood swings and cognitive slowing. Part of what makes this heartbreaking is that Mama is completely aware of her diminishing capacity. Mama has always been an incredibly sharp, AMAZING woman and it is so hard for her to realize that she can't do all that she once did.

Mama Jude and Me

The reality of Mama's rare brain cancer is that she's dying. Yes, we're all dying. But it's more than a concept in our house. It's a reality we fight constantly, daily. Facing one's mortality is scary, but to have that permeate each day, to be reminded of one's own limitations and previous sharpness is a cruel decline. Though my Mama will turn 70 on her big Last Wish Trip to Venice, Italy, she always had a lively spirit and seemed years younger. We simply haven't had enough time yet together. I still need my Mama for some big life events. And, this may sound silly, but she's always been the one person who truly cares how my day went.

An old friend and colleague recently asked me how I learned to be my Mama's Caregiver. I honestly didn't know what to say. In my mind, there was no question. I simply needed to step up to the challenge and maximize my Mama's quality of life as best I could.

Daughter As Caregiver

Mama's recent home manicure

Caring for a parent doesn't just mean I hang out with my Mama all day. Being a caregiver for a parent involves unlimited roles (and the ultimate adaptability and patience): Patient advocate, an absolute necessity at Kaiser; disease management (record & report symptoms, research & recall disease info) and medication organizer and administrator (plus homeopathic remedies for cancer symptoms expert); personal chef and cancer-fighting diet expert (now specializing in plant-based meals); insurance battler, financial administrator and overall power-of-attorney and issue tackler; personal trainer and physical therapist; personal assistant (calendar, appointment scheduler, errand runner, etc.); home cleaner and DIY fixer, plumber, personal driver (Mama isn't allowed to drive anymore) and so much more. As her daughter, I find my "girly" skills are an added bonus, as I give her "cancer haircuts," face masks, gel manicures and pedicures (see photo), eyebrow shaping, makeup advice, style and plenty more.

I'm the person who finds things, remembers things, and minimizes any possible foreseeable issues. It's a constant juggle... loving daughter, stern caregiver, and supportive friend (her buddy, she likes to say).

Mama Earns M.A. in Instructional Design

"If you were a normal girl, you'd hate me," Mama Jude earnestly told me the other day and looked away, holding back tears. It broke my heart.

With all of this happening in our own little world, I sometimes I feel as isolated as if I were down in Mexico, not just 1.5 hours south of San Francisco. Cancer isn't contagious, but I worry the accompanying sadness might rub off. There's a surprising layer of sadness as some of the friends who previously made up your world distance themselves. Though recently opening up about the realities of our world has brought immeasurable support from friends old, new, distant and close. Like a whirlwind spinning on without us, the rest of the world seems to move faster anyhow. Our little world has been primarily paralyzed... waiting, though we know not for what. As Facebook-voyeurs, we cyber-stalk the engagements, weddings, births, promotions, travels and assorted exciting, wonderful life events of our family, friends and acquaintances. A former news junkie (a journalism school requirement), I'm ashamed to admit I now get most of my news through Facebook and Jon Stewart's Daily Show!

Self Care
Everyone asks, what am I doing to care for myself? As if there's something that could really make me feel better. Seriously? Look at my reality. It's been an unsteady, upwardish path from far from OK. I'm coping. I'm surviving. And yeah, I'm taking care of myself. Seriously, I am. I regularly(ish) exercise, eat a moderate and (mostly) good diet, take happy pills for anxiety, go to a loved ones cancer support group and make attempts at quality sleep. I stretch and take relaxing bubble baths and cuddle my beloved, healing dog. Though to be honest, I've fallen down in my own "30 Days to 30" goals of establishing new and better habits. Personal and financial issues were put on hold, but my lifelong struggle with weight has become less difficult as I've somehow lost my hunger but discovered Jillian Michaels' Shred It With Weight workout video (of course, now I've got a wonderful and new problem of my clothes swimming on me). As I take each day at a time, I consider that perhaps productivity is overrated.

Mama Jude and Me at Gaudi's Park Guell in Barcelona

Yet my focus now is making Mama's Last Wish a wonderful reality. This September, we'll be traveling to Mama Jude's beloved Venice, Italy, where we've rented a beautiful Gran Canal apartment for 4 weeks! We are completely blown away by the generous donations of friends and strangers; and we are so incredibly grateful for the support and encouragement during this most difficult time. We look forward to celebrating our big travel plans with friends and supporters at our "Screw Brain Cancer, We're Going to Venice, Italy" Buon Viaggio BBQ Celebration next weekend.

✈

Buon Viaggio Celebration... Planning Underway!

RSVP to gabrianam [AT] gmail [DOT] com for the address!

The watercolor background of this graphic invitation was painted by Mama Jude herself during a previous trip to Venice, Italy. You can read about her past adventures and see more of her gorgeous work on her blog, Giuddittalia. When she's feeling up to it, Jude will also blog about our upcoming special trip and both of our blogs will feature her beautiful artwork!

The rest of the graphic invitation was my pleasure to create for My Amazing, Memorable Mama! The graphic prints are a tribute to her love of fonts (yeah, I come by my geek chic honestly); and it includes her favorite Venetian image: the gondoliers symbol, along with the Italian flag and edges reminiscent of a postage stamp! Besides the digital version, we printed them on cardstock, folded and sealed them with a gold wax Fleur-de-lis, and sent some as postcards (we've always loved doing arts and crafts projects together).

At the Buon Viaggio (Italian for Good Travels) celebration, we'll have a large birthday banner for everyone to decorate and sign, which we'll then roll up and take to Italy to decorate Mama Jude's Venice bedroom. We'll be in Venice for her 70th birthday so please join us for a little early celebrating!

More trip and party details to come! Please help sponsor Mama Jude's Last Wish Trip to Venice, Italy. We greatly appreciate any and all support! L'chaim! A Venezia!

My Amazing, Memorable Mama

Mama and Me

My Mama is just adorable. She glows with an inner excitement for life, even amid debilitating cancer treatments. I realize I'm biased as her daughter, but in truth she's always been "cool" (though very strict when I was a kid). She's done so many things and lived such a varied and rich life, in which I feel honored to have had a role.

Born in San Francisco, my mom is actually just past the Boomer category, but she had me late in life, landing me betwixt Gen X and the Millennials. It's always just been the two of us and we share a special bond (but don't let that fool you, we bicker and grate each other's nerves like any other mother-daughter on occasion). But when it comes down to it, we have the same nerdy sense of humor, quirkiness and passion for life. I was raised to believe in the importance of education, equality, kindness, tolerance and justice, the best-quality fresh produce at local farmers' markets, and a love of reading and the arts. There were always crafts projects and a huge box of costumes and theater makeup around and Mama encouraged the wildest of outfits (embarrassing photos of which there are simply too many to destroy).

Grandma and Me, photo taken by Mama

A Renaissance woman, my Mama throws herself into her interests and learns them as an expert. She inspired a love of Shakespeare in her Bay Area elementary school students; backpacked around Europe and taught English in Spain for 4 years (yep, she was a Hippie); was a pioneer in the tech world as an early member of The WELL, birthplace of the online community movement (I've fond memories of playing with Howard Rheingold's daughter Mamie at The WELL parties in the 80s); created a beautiful graphic chart of the order of the Jewish service still used at our local synagogue after helping found a local reconstructionist/renewal minyan (Jewish prayer group); led an Elders Camp one of the several years she attended Burning Man and created an inspired bustier business; took evening and weekend classes to earn her Masters Degree in Instructional Technology and worked for Apple Computer; studied her Bat Mitvah a few years before my own; won photography awards for her stunning black-and-whites she developed in our basement darkroom; served on the Jewish Film Festival committee; learned to play the ukulele on the beach in Santa Cruz; knit her own sweaters and hats; studied the moon's progression across the sky and natural herbal medicine; became besotted with extended trips exploring the canals of Venice, Italy; and so much more. She shared her passion for live theater with me (we loved Les Miserables and even read the book together when I was 8 ― yeah, I was a weird kid), and we're now yearly regulars at Shakespeare Santa Cruz (SCC)...

Charles Pasternak, SSC The Three Musketeers

From one of Jude's favorite SSC actors and new friends, Charles Pasternak:

Dearest Jude, It was such a pleasure to meet you last week. Thank you so, so much for all your kind words. It's such a pleasure to know that one's work is appreciated and that there are wonderful people such as yourself keeping this beautiful theatre alive!

Mama Living in Spain in the 1970s

Besides all these varied interests and accomplishments, she was a devoted and supportive mother ― I always celebrated her on both Mother's and Father's Day as she did the work of both and made it look easy (save her frustrating, though understandable obsession with stir fry). She's got a fantastically organized mind and can make beautiful sense where others see confusion, precisely why this brain cancer and its ill effects have been so difficult. She's a problem-solver, longtime DIY proponent and allover dynamo. My dearly departed grandmother Mema was described as zippy and my mother certainly did not let that light go out. Similarly, Mama now talks to everyone and makes new friends everywhere, just as Mema did.

Mama's Bat Mitzvah Party on our Deck

As a Jewish single mother, she was Olympicly overprotective. She raised me on her own without any paternal or familial support back in a time when single mothers were shunned at best ― long before single parent community services or networks were available. There were difficult times, but despite it all, she strived to provide a childhood filled with cultural activities, camping in nature, dance and other sports, community service, gifted programs, classes, arts and crafts, Judaism, technology and more. She worked a lot to provide these opportunities, and I cherish them along with the times we sat on the couch watching Golden Girls or bike-riding around the neighborhood. My mom is an AMAZING woman. (Don't misunderstand, we also drive each other totally crazy, but the love is deeper and stronger. It's not an easy caregiver role reversal.) But it's not just me that sees her special light:

Recent email Jude received from a friend...
I swear, you have a magical way of impacting people you speak with. I think they feel your sincerity and interest, and warm to it. You are memorable! Hold that close to your heart in gloomy times, Jude.

In Burning Man costumes

Perhaps you're wondering why I'm sharing the story of my amazing, memorable mama. To be honest, it seemed the world should know just how special she is before she is gone. Mama has Anaplastic Hemingiopericytoma, a WHO Grade 3 brain cancer that's extremely rare, aggressive and malignant. Doctors weren't able to surgically remove all of the tumor, and 6 weeks of radiation treatments really just seemed to make her symptoms worse but stabilized the cancer, though was the likely culprit of her minor stroke and seizures causing her major decline of the last 6 months. To say this last year-and-a-half has been difficult would be a major understatement, and we would not have survived without our sweet healing dog, Abby (a Boston Bull Pug Medical Alert Service Dog who's cosmically glued to Mama's side).

I'm grateful Mama has been able to enjoy so many experiences in her life, yet it feels much too early and I am deeply sad that she will likely not get to experience being the mother-of-the-bride or a grandmother. I'm sad for both of us. Until Mama was diagnosed, she was a thriving, sprightly, vivacious, tech-savvy, fiercely independent, quick-humored senior who scoffed at the age label, but loved the discounts.

Mama in Golden Gate Park several years ago

Mama's symptoms have been getting worse, but doctors simply don't know much about this kind of cancer (except that it can come back and multiply in a week). We try to focus on the positive and on the time we have together now. We take walks, talk about mementos from life as we sort through the house, and enjoy a bit of escape into our favorite TV programs... we watch #SayYestotheDress and talk about what styles would look best when my time comes and she's not there, which sometimes makes us cry, but still feels important; we watch #CakeBoss and oooh-and-ahhh at the fantastical, tasty creations; and we love #JonStewart, #JimmyKimmel, #Ellen, #SoYouThinkYouCanDance, #NCIS (Abby is named for their #AbbySciuto), FlashMobs on YouTube, and more (but no, we don't spend all day watching TV).

Luckily, Mama's Neuro-Oncologist (brain cancer specialist) and Neurologist have given the medical okay to take #MamasLastWishTrip2Venice and we plan on spending a month in her beloved city culminating in her 70th birthday there. Finding an apartment that's essentially handicap-accessible with views of a canal from sitting inside seemed near impossible, but finally we were able to get the perfect place for our special trip with the help of ViewsOnVenice. We're now working on securing the flights we need to be on, but we're short on necessary miles (any #United or #Continental miles donations would be hugely appreciated). We've decided: SCREW BRAIN CANCER, WE'RE GOING TO VENICE, ITALY!

Mama sharing her watercolors with a new friend in Venice

Why Venice? Mama became enamored with Venice several years ago, writing a blog called Giuditta in Italia, and painting watercolors of her beloved city. This is a very special trip for us, and a special thing to share with all of you (if anyone's there...) Please follow our progress on Twitter @gabriana
and local friends are welcome to Buon Viaggio celebration we'll have a couple weeks before we leave... graphic invite to come! We'll be blogging and sharing lots of photos so subscribe already to both of our blogs and connect with us on social media, we'd love to hear from you!   :)

Thanks for your ♥ and support!

By the way, if anyone knows #JohnnyDepp, who also has a deep affection for Venice, please extend an invitation for a spritz in Venice! You never know, right?

Later Developments:
Since United Airlines refused to accommodate the many generous air miles donations that poured in from friends and strangers alike (cap=15k/person/year), we set up a secure, free YouCaring.com site for those who'd like to Help Sponsor Mama Jude's Last Wish Trip to Venice, Italy. We greatly appreciate any and all support and encouragement during this difficult time!

Lil' Nosy Parker Favorites

Abby ♥ Santa Cruz (Photo Credit: Gabriana)

Top Products for your Best Friend

(aka your Dog)

We all have our favorite must-have products. My beloved sweet Abby, a 5-year-old rescued Boston Bull Pug, who's a natural Lil' Nosy Parker with miraculous healing powers, is no different. Here are a few of our favorite things to enhance your human-dog bond and create ease on your travels...

Making Kisses Sweeter
Abby, bless her heart doesn't bark, bite or chew, but she loves to lick. This would perhaps be less of a problem, if it weren't for her horrible breath! We tried many different treats, preferring to stick to the most natural or organic products made in the U.S. (locally, if possible). Hands down, the winner was Ark Naturals Breath-less Brushless Toothpaste.

Photo Credit: Ark Naturals

We LOVE Ark Naturals all-natural wellness and remedy products for pets. There are three sizes for these treats, but the big ones work the best (they're $18.95 online, but stores tend to mark them up several dollars). To be honest, I can't always afford these treats, and I notice a huge difference in Abby's breath and teeth cleanliness. Anyway, part of what is so wonderful about these treats is that they're two-fold ― the outside has ridges that scrub the teeth and the inside has the toothpaste to clean and protect (see picture). Each of these are great on their own, but together they make the ultimate dogie-breath-freshener. My Boston, with a delicate digestive system, loves these fabulous treats; they're easy to chew, easy to digest, made of natural ingredients, and they actually work!

Daily Conveniences

Photo Credit: Bamboo Pet

There are 3 small items I've got attached to an awesome (think pink, dog-bone-shaped) carabiner clip hooked onto Abby's leash for daily handiness: a collapsible water bowl, a container of poop bags and a mini hand sanitizer. There are plenty of portable water/food bowls, but I much prefer Bamboo Pet's Silicone collapsible version, (rather than the oilcloth-fabric bowls, which I found to leak if left for shy dogs to drink on their own time); they're also eco-friendly, odorless and non-toxic. This portable, lightweight bowl dries quickly, folds flat (fits in your pocket) and makes hydration on the go easy. It also cleans easily and doesn't attract mold ― something that can't be said for all portable water bowls. When it comes to a poop-bag dispenser, let style be your guide, as long as the bags are easy to access and it isn't too huge/bulky! After all, you're picking up poop... so pick something you like.

Break Less Wind

Photo Credit: Bark Stix

Bostons and Pugs have a special affinity for clearing a room (Embarrassing confession: Abby likes to snuggle her rump against you, drop a major stink-bomb and then scamper off with a 'Who me?' look). Of course, finding the right diet for your pup is an important factor in aiding digestion and decreasing gas. Nevertheless, finding the right treat to keep the air clean is crucial. I feel good about giving these Bark Stix Fart Busters treats (pictured right) to Abby because they're quality, natural products (plus 'green'-manufactured locally) and Abby just loves them ― oh yeah, and they work! Here's what Bark Stix says about their Fart Busters treats:

'This all meat chicken treat is made from whole Free Range chicken with a proprietary blend of digestive enzymes that can aid digestion and help with those 'aromatic' moments that come between dog and guardian. Like all of our treats they are manufactured in our facility in Northern California. The chickens are locally sourced from small farmers and raised without the use of antibiotics or animal by-products and are fed a vegetarian diet.'

Travel Like a Pro

Photo Credit: Pet Naturals

Abby has service dog tags and goes everywhere with us so it is important to make sure she's well behaved and respectful. (We got truly lucky when I rescued Abby 2.5 years ago; she loves people and rarely makes a sound, which makes her adept at travel.) To ensure a relaxing journey, here are our top 3 favorite natural calming supplements with which we've found success with (and Abby likes): Pet Naturals Calming Treats, Pet Rescue Remedy, or Ark Naturals Happy Traveler (Abby has taken this all-natural, herbal calming formula, though the company more recently debuted the soft chews).

I-GO-2's 5-in-1 Pet Carrier & Colors

When traveling, I also usually give Abby one of my old baby blankets with a spritz of lavender spray, which I also use to freshen her carrier for a more relaxing trip. We've tried several different carriers with varying levels of success. I was seriously starting to feel like Goldilocks when I finally discovered I-GO-2's 5-in-1 Pet Carrier, a pet tote, car seat, shoulder carrier, carrier that can be rolled behind you and a backpack all in one! It seems they may have finally thought of everything as this versatile bag features a telescoping handle, removable pad for easy washing, security tether, and wheel covers to keep your tush and your car clean. The company offers a few different style options and colors in sizes designed for dogs of different weights, one of which was recently on a fantastic sale at Overstock.com. Abby's latest multi-functional carrier (for our big Mama's Last Wish Trip to Venice, Italy) arrived this week and put all of her other carriers to shame! We decided to go with all black and perhaps add a bit of character of our own (stay tuned for pictures).

Everlasting Treat Ball

Keeping your dog busy en route is also important. Abby LOVES small Everlasting Treat Balls, a treat and a toy in one ― seriously, I've never seen her go at something like that before (almost as funny as her eating a carrot like a rabbit)!



A Side Note on Dogs in Clothing...

Abby loves her pink hoodie

On a side note, I used to be totally against clothing on dogs. I also used to have a Bordeuax Mastif who would have looked ridiculous in clothing and certainly never needed it in California. I now have a small dog with short hair who gets cold, even in the mild Bay Area weather. I asked the vet why she shivered; the doc said 'get her a sweater.' Granted, that was in San Francisco, but still. I gave in; Abby loved it and tries to climb back into her warm clothes. Seriously. She's hilarious.

Disclaimer: I'm no vet. I also have received no compensation from these companies. I'm simply sharing products loved by my Lil' Nosy Parker and me!

Learning Photography ― The Aperture Academy Experience

Last month I fulfilled a dream on my Bucket List: Take photography classes and learn to use a DSLR camera. I love taking pictures, but sometimes I feel as though I'm not quite capturing my vision or the most memorable moments.

Santa Cruz, Calif. - Photo Credit: Stephen W. Oachs

The Aperture Academy's Introduction to Photography course, which was held over an afternoon amid breathtaking photos covering the gallery/classroom walls, was taught by gallery owner and master photographer Stephen W. Oachs. A National Geographic professional photographer, Oachs shared fascinating stories of his hunt for great wildlife photography. He was charismatic, funny, deeply knowledgeable and incredibly honest about the time it takes to get "the shot." Oachs and other Aperture Academy professionals were friendly and helpful with personal questions. The class was interactive and engaging; and students received a copy of his presentation by email the next day.

The Intro to Photography class didn't include hands-on, photo-taking experience, but it did provide a comfortable background on aperture, shutter speed, composition and white balance on which to build. Aperture Academy does also offer exciting wilderness adventure/photography workshops worldwide and locally and I hope one day to learn more. At least for now, I've been enjoying experimenting with the tools I've learned. (I'm also finally getting fun shots of Abby, my sweet wee dog who only moves quickly when the camera is out!)

A wonderful, unexpected extra: Aperture Academy provided cold water and soda, along with fresh fruit, chips and brownie bites at no extra charge ― now that's generous, and appreciated!

Overall, I would highly recommend Aperture Academy if you're looking for a great photography workshop in the Bay Area! A LivingSocial deal made this an even more affordable experience.

(When I was little my mama had a dark room in our basement and loved to take interesting photographs ― including one of me with a friend that won an award! Perhaps *hopefully* photography is in my blood. I'll try to find that picture to share. It was called "Oh Men!")

Mama's Last Wish

The 3 of Us (taken just weeks before Mama's diagnosis last year)

A year ago, my sweet mama had brain surgery. It was one of the scariest days of my life, to come that near to losing my only close family and my lifelong best friend. I am still struggling with the grieving process. Thank G-d, she survived and we were blessed with a wonderful surgeon who was able to remove most of the tumor. While waking from her 7-hour surgery, my adorable mama asked me for Johnny, though we know none; she was asking for Johnny Depp (she loves his work and their common besottedness with Venice, Italy)! Post surgery, Mama also exclaims "Goody." Seriously.

Abby won't leave Mama's side

Mama's tumor turned out not to be benign, rather an extremely rare, malignant and aggressive cancer. Only 4/10 of a percentage of people with primary brain tumors get Anaplastic Hemingiopericytoma (try saying that 3 times fast) ― that's 0.04 percent chance of getting this kind of primary brain tumor, a rare thing in itself! Brain tumors represent only 1.4% of all cancer. (We estimate, one's got better odds in the lottery, so now we buy tickets every once in a while.) Very little is known about my mama's rare brain cancer. In fact, it is more commonly found in the lung. In any case, the prognosis is not very good, even with treatments. She was given an estimate of 2-5 years from the time of discovery, which was more than a year ago. (I share this with you not to scare you or garner sympathy. Rather, this knowledge was seriously hard won. Finding a specialist doctor with whom you are comfortable and compatible and who will be honest with you, can prove seriously rough. There are so few with personal experiences to even share.)

@ Shakespeare Santa Cruz

You may wonder how I know all of this. Well, in a big role reversal, I'm a sole caregiver for my mama. It has been an incredibly difficult year ― physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially ― and yet I would not trade this time together. Though Mama's short-term memory suffers greatly, her long-term seems enhanced as she recalls bits and stories of her life previously not shared. Her fiercely strong spirit and deep love of Venice drive her healing.

Our Cousin, Miriam Margolyes, & Us

Besides the 6 weeks of radiation, months of physical therapy and various medical setbacks of the last year, we've enjoyed a few mini trips together going up and down the coast in the camper van, celebrating my 30th birthday, spreading The Penny Ice Creamery love, meeting our wonderful famous cousin (see picture) and picnicking at Shakespeare Santa Cruz. There are days when Mama is too fatigued to rise; and on those we spend time reading books, watching Tivo'd forensics TV dramas and late-night comedy (& Ellen!), cuddling Abby the love dog and making plans for G-d's amusement (it sometimes seems). There are times when we struggle with our new roles, and when Abby is the only being to bring laughter and help us get through the day. The bond between Mama and Abby is beautiful and incredibly restorative (A service dog, Abby would not leave Mama's side post-surgery and has been Velcro'd there ever since). We've used an online caring community (LotsaHelpingHands) to update our loved ones on Mama's progress; and in the last year, Mama has repeated that she's never felt more loved. Ultimately, my goal as a caregiver: good food and authentic love.

Abby (aka Piglet)

What's Next?
Here we go again (on plan-making)... Our trusted brain cancer specialist gave the OK to accompany Mama to her beloved Venice, Italy for a 4-week trip culminating in her 70th birthday celebration. This trip is Mama's greatest last wish and with a clean brain scan in August, we hope to leave in the first days of September. We will be looking for a 2+BD/2+BA apartment on on the Grand Canal. Comfortable indoor views of the canals are necessary so Mama can enjoy her beloved city even on days she's not well enough to explore (and not too many stairs). Though our preference is to plan in advance, medical circumstances prevented such; now many of the homes for rent are taken, so if you know of any available Venice homes for rent, please let us know!

What else are we doing besides trying to focus on the positive in the now? Struggling to arrange in-home care, searching for work, dealing with financial matters, decluttering and downsizing household/personal items, preparing the house for sale, going to doctor appointments and tests, scouting possible apartments in downtown Redwood City, and planning our exciting trip to Venice, Italy... (oh, and I'm finishing up a TESOL/TEFL certification course so I can work as an English tutor abroad). Hmmm, no wonder we're exhausted!

Abby ♥ Johhny too

Subscribe to follow our progress... Arrivederci!

LEARN MORE about My Amazing, Memorable Mama in this tribute post.

Natural Remedies Ease Cancer Symptoms

First, here's my disclaimer: I'm no doctor and I am in no way professing to cure any cancer. I am a caregiver and a writer. My mama is battling brain cancer and we've found some natural remedies for the symptoms of her cancer and treatments. All of these items can be often be found at natural foods markets, well at least here in California (otherwise, they're all online).

Calendula Lotion

Calendula Lotion
My mama underwent 6 weeks of daily radiation treatments, which she assured me did not in themselves hurt, but they did cause quite a sunburn. I gently rubbed calendula lotion onto her burns and she found some relief ― especially nice after chilling the lotion in the fridge. FYI, you'll go through a LOT of this lotion throughout the treatments. Stock up when you find a good sale. (As a side note, radiation treatments can also cause serious fatigue. An old college mini fridge stocked with cold drinks and chilled burn relief nearby was seriously handy.)

Arnica Gel
If you've got cancer, you likely get stuck with a needle pretty frequently. This can result in some serious bruises. We swear by arnica gel to heal painful and ugly bruises faster. As the caregiver, I'm also often covered in bruises... perhaps I just run around more? In any case, we have found it to be a wonderful reliever of swelling and bruising. We like the arnica gel the best (as opposed to the ointment or cream) because it isn't sticky or greasy and it absorbs quickly. Besides vanishing bruises, this gel was helpful along the closed incision site as well (aka... where my mama had 53 staples in a graceful arc along the back of her sweet little head). Doctors mostly didn't mention these natural treatments, but gave approval for their use. We also went through a lot of arnica gel, cream and pellets.


Arnica Pellets
After my mama's brain surgery, she took arnica pellets daily to help relieve the overall and site-specific pain, stiffness and swelling she experienced. The tiny pellets dissolve in your mouth and taste mildly sweet on the way down. Think of it like applying the wonderful healing benefits of arnica to your insides!

Ginger Tea

Triple Leaf Tea - Ginger

Nausea often comes with the territory ― whether it is from the cancer, the treatments, dizziness (sometimes caused by the medicine, the treatment or the cancer itself) or even motion sickness from getting to the treatments. Ginger is a wonderful natural remedy, but boiling the root frankly took a while and the end product wasn't worth the effort. We tried many ginger teas before a friend arrived with a box of Triple Leaf Tea Ginger Root and we fell in ginger tea love with this spicy, yet 100% ginger root. A bit of honey blended beautifully, but the stomach-calming capabilities were beyond all else. If you need something even stronger, I enjoyed Ginger Honey Crystals (though mama found it too strong). Frankly, ginger most anything helped. Ginger chunk cookies, yes please! Just about anything by The Ginger People, sign us up to try it! Mama loves their chews and I enjoyed their baking chips. I also make my own refreshing Italian Ginger Peach Soda with their yummy ginger syrup (plus Torani Sugar Free Peach Syrup and a cold can of seltzer water)! When it was hot outside, ginger sorbet or ginger ice cream were truly splendid. Mama's post-surgery favorite was a special Ginger Peach Dessert Delight I created for her with a warm chewy ginger cookie topped with Ciao Bella Ginger Peach Sorbet, fresh organic peach slices and a light caramel drizzle (pictured below).

Mama's Ginger Peach Dessert Delight

If you need a bit of chocolate with your ginger and happen to be anywhere near Santa Cruz, Calif., I cannot strongly enough recommend The Buttery's Ginger Chocolate Cookies. I LOVE them!!!!! (I also ♥ The Buttery's Tri Tip Sandwiches and Chinese Chicken Salads ― foodie heaven!)

Many people don't know what to say to a friend or loved one diagnosed with cancer and sometime insensitive or hurtful things slip out. Words can be hard to come by when faced with mortality. But the random deliveries of challah, cards, meals, flowers, magazines and movies made all the difference in the healing process (better still were the supportive hugs). Friends asked what we needed, but that can be difficult to articulate. If you've got a friend or loved one diagnosed with cancer, here's a wonderful gift basket to leave on their doorstep: the natural remedies products we love, plus a lavender bath soak and/or bath salts, a cooling eye mask and a book that made you laugh. Hugs are mighty helpful too! (On behalf of the households battling cancer, please keep in mind that we may not be able to be sociable when you arrive and your understanding, flexibility and kindness are needed.) Looking for more tips on what to say when she's diagnosed? We cut out and saved this great article last September with some helpful suggestions ― and what not to say.

Final disclaimer: I am in no way connected to any of these companies and have received no profits from telling you about my love of them. I'm simply sharing products we found to relieve symptoms in the hopes of helping others suffering. Please feel free to share your personal favorites in the comments!