The Big Role Reversal

Mama and Me

As a good Jewish daughter, I knew that one day I would care for my mom. But we didn't expect that day to come for another 15 to 20 years (figuring by then I'd move her into an in-law unit with her own nurse wherever I lived with my future husband and children... ahhh dreams).

That all changed when we got her diagnosis last Spring and I became the single parent for my single parent. I had just reluctantly moved home out of financial necessity and it was quickly clear that it was meant to be. A mass residing in a quarter of her brain was so shocking a diagnosis and the side effects so crippling, my mom needed immediate care. At first doctors told us it was almost positively a benign tumor. Perhaps this was best to get us through the surgery. Luckily, my mom was in the best health of her life pre-surgery. A feisty tongue and a passion for Venice, Italy propelled her healing.

So... Dude, WTF?

Just as she was bouncing back from the surgery, came the bad news... the pathology results. It wasn't benign. Anaplastic Hemingiopericytoma ― a rare brain cancer. Little is known about it, which is perhaps why the doctors wouldn't admit it was cancer at first. (It's not that we wanted it to be cancer; an honest diagnosis was needed not only for trust in the doctors, but also to receive cancer support and services.) My mother was a real trooper through six weeks of daily radiation treatments. One of her biggest peeves is not being able to drive for most of the last year. The cumulative effects of the radiation persisted for many months, but my mom was just starting to feel better.

We were going to see a new oncologist (aka cancer doctor) to try to get some straightforward answers when she started acting funny. It was a nightmare trying to convince the doctors something was wrong. It turned out to be a small ischemic stroke next to where the tumor was removed and it caused seizure disorder and hallucinations. For several very long days, I wondered if my mom would ever come back to me. I am thankful for the support and prayers of our friends and family who receive our online caring community updates (we use LotsaHelpingHands.com). My strong-willed, sweet little Jewish mother came through and we now talk about when she woke up ― her brain frantically trying to piece together reality with lingering and remembered hallucinations. I'm just glad she recognizes me again.

Mama and Me at the end of a relaxing vacation a few years ago

Healing is a slow process; something we must continually remind ourselves. My mom is considerably better than she was in the hospital, but she still needs a lot of home care. So we are once again forging the big role reversal. It is not an easy job physically or emotionally, but there's no question of caring for my mother. We've always been close. She raised me as a single mother back when single parenting was lacking in couth. We've conquered great challenges and enjoyed wonderful adventures together with all the inside jokes and finished sentences to remember. And now I am more than just her daughter; I am my mother's caregiver, her patient advocate and care coordinator. And I look forward to the role reversal dance continuing on to more joyful adventures.

Rescue Dog Has Healing Powers

Happy Birthday Abby!

Two years ago this New Year's, I adopted a Boston Bull Terrier (perhaps some Pug?) dog from Wonder Dog Rescue in San Francisco. We met on a sunny afternoon in the Mission District. Her tongue perpetually hung out to the side and we simply took to each other immediately. She's been my constant sidekick ever since. A fellow Nosy Parker, my little shadow is a constant source of love and laughs. The saying 'who rescued whom?' doesn't begin to cover it.

I named her Abby after my favorite TV character: world-class forensic scientist Abby Sciuto of NCIS, played by Pauley Perette. I love the uprise of girl geeks on TV!

My Abby has plenty of nicknames, the most common of which is Piglet, inspired by her frequent pig-like snorts and waddles. Abby has a lot of personality, some perhaps we just attribute to her. But a more cuddly, love-distributing, healing dog there is not. Though many Boston Terriers are hyperactive, Abby exudes a surprising calmness, even in her happiness to find new laps to cuddle and blankets to burrow. She is most eager to settle in for a warm cuddle. (I'd wanted to get a dog for a long time, having never stopped missing Emma, the Bordeaux Mastiff we rescued when I was a teen and who died while I was studying abroad. I knew a big dog was not feasible for apartment living so I researched various breeds and decided a Boston was for me. A friend put me in touch with Wonder Dog Rescue who matched me with Abby.) When I adopted Abby, I was between jobs and feeling down. Progressively, life has gotten exponentially more difficult since then and I attribute my actual survival to this sweet dog. I hesitate to admit there were days when Abby was my only motivation to keep going, the only source of light or laughter in my days. She was my rock in the hospital waiting room during my mom's 7-hour brain surgery. I was a mess. But when Abby curls up into my lap, I can feel my breathing slow and my mind ease.

Abby's healing powers far exceed her love and loyalty to me; she took her role of comforter and healer to my mom, Jude, very seriously. The moment we were settled in her post-surgery ICU room, Abby placed herself on the bed and cuddled up against Jude who floated in and out of the room on heavy painkillers. Abby wouldn’t voluntarily leave Jude’s side ― even for walks or food. Abby's warmth and radiating love grounded Jude in her post-surgery haze and sped her healing. She also made Jude one of the most popular patients on the floor! In more tangible healing feats, Abby helped Jude lower her blood pressure before a stressful follow-up with the cancer doctor. Abby has kept our spirits up during the long months of recovery. She is still the funniest part of our days.

Not only does Abby have these amazing healing powers, but her love of people, good manners (doesn't bark, bite or chew!) and small size make her very portable. Abby comes to work with me each day; she's become the office greeter. It's amazing the stress reduction a dog's presence in the office provides ― studies back it up, showing a "positive impact on workplace morale, productivity and collaboration." There are even books on how to create dog-friendly workplaces. During a down economy, bringing your dog to work is a great perk for which to negotiate that doesn't cost the company any money. (This was one of the many great career lessons I learned from Career Guru J.T. O'Donnell’s Career HMO.)

Pre-Abby, I was quite against clothing for dogs, thinking it mostly silly. But I quickly learned from Abby's vet that some dogs need assistance keeping warm. To curb sweet Abby’s shivering, she now sports a couple fashionable pink options for warmth (her favorite being her pink hoodie)! Worries that Abby wouldn't like clothing were fast put aside when she tried to crawl back into her sweater one morning. Luckily, I love craft projects! For Halloween, Abby sported a homemade piglet costume from scraps of pink fleece. I also made her a new collar for her birthday (pictured above).

Next up for the Lil' Nosy Parker? Posting about our craft projects!

It's mmmmm...Monday "The Perfect Salad"

 

The Perfect Pear & Gorgonzola Salad

Prep Time: 5-10 minutes

This spectacular salad is a gold medal favorite in our house featuring fresh juicy pears, candied pecans, crumbled Gorgonzola and raspberry vinaigrette on a bed of fresh greens. The original ― and still by far the favorite ― is from the Crow's Nest in Santa Cruz, where the upstairs Breakwater Bar & Grill offers the salad as an entree with grilled skirt steak! We make constant re-creations of this meal-sized salad in our house and frequently bring friends to experience the original. Here's how you can make this yummy salad at home too...

Ingredients:

• Mixed greens
• Fresh pears, sliced
• Candied pecans
• Crumbled Gorgonzola cheese
• Raspberry vinaigrette
• Grilled skirt steak or chicken (optional)

Preparation Instructions:

1. Prepare a bed of mixed greens. 
2. Top with a medley of pears, pecans and Gorgonzola. 
3. Drizzle with raspberry vinaigrette.
4. Enjoy!